The Mens

Ok, now I’m going to talk about sex.  Well, not exactly, but dating and men.

Tonight was a decent night.  I went out to a bar after a party and ran into a former flame.  Well, can someone you became infatuated with but didn’t return the favor be a flame?  To make it more complicated I was there with the-guy-who-is-practically-a-boyfriend-but-we’re-just-friends-because-he-wanted-it-that-way-and-now-I’ve-friend-zoned-him-and-it’s-awkard-at-times.  We’ll psuedonym them both and the old flame will be Will and the friend will be Keith.

Will and I met online a long time ago and talked for a few months before meeting.  He encouraged me to come out and meet him.  I did and then spent two hours talking to him after the bar closed.  There’s just something about the way Will would look at me without saying anything.  His eyes said things like “I think you’re adorable and like looking at you.”  Plus, he’s adorable.  In fact, he reminds me of Simon Baker.  He’s taller than I am, not a stick (not fat nor exactly thin).  Anyways, life got complicated after that night and we didn’t really end up talking for a while.  Time’s passed and I still find him as attractive as ever.  To the point that I start to turn into a bumbling idiot when he looks at me.  Oh, his eyes.

Anyways, being there with Keith was awkward because I think Keith is definitely infatuated with me, bordering on wants to have a relationship.  So, when Will came over and spent a good portion of the night next to me and we proceeded to catch up, and Will would look me in the eyes.  Anyways, I’m pretty sure Keith noticed.  I feel bad about it, but if Keith and I are just friends is that a major issue?  Let me know in the comments.

Oh, October

Hi readership,

It’s October.  The reasons I haven’t posted include:

• Work (September/October is crazy time)
• School (My grad class has me spending time in Blackboard instead of WordPress)
• Illness (I was going to post, but had strep throat and am just getting over things)

In the next couple weeks, I promise updates on:

• Social life (dating, friend updates, etc)
• School (how my class is going, what the program is like, etc)
• Random thoughts (politics, economy, etc)

Introspect

Lately I’ve been doing a lot of introspection.  Someone asked me the other day how I liked my new job, and if I was happy up here.  I know I’m happier than I was a year ago in Oneonta.  However, I’m not sure I’m as happy as I’d like to be.

I have good friends, but I still lack that someone who makes me smile for no reason.  To speak the truth, I’m getting tired of dating.  I had this realization this afternoon after a platonic date.  I met this guy out at a movie, and we watched the movie and parted ways.  It was like we went to the movie just to not go alone.  On the way home I just wanted to relax and have some time alone.  At that moment it dawned on me: am I too independent for a relationship?  Last year made me very independent and I learned how to be good being alone.  Yes, I blogged more and spent more time online; but I got used to spending time alone.

Also, I’m not sure if the degree I’m currently taking is really what I want to do.  Yes, it’s the definitive degree to be an instructional designer; however, I’m not sure if that’s what I’d like to do.  I was researching PhD programs and I think that’s the path I’d like to take.  Maybe in 5 years I’ll give it all up and go back to get my PhD.  Who knows.

Well, I’m headed out for the evening, who knows who I’ll meet…

I ain’t sayin’ I’m perfect….

I bought Sugarland’s new album Love on the Inside.  Great album.  Favorite songs include “All I Wanna Do”,  “Fall into Me”, and “Take Me As I Am.”

My favorite lyric is (from “Take Me As I Am”):

“Slow to trust but I’m quick to love. I push too hard and I give too much.  I ain’t sayin’ I’m perfect, but I promise I’m worth it.”

The reason I like this lyric is that it’s the truth.  I’m single, readership.  Partly by choice, and partly by high standards.  I want too much, and most of all I want communication and honesty.  If I don’t get these, I tend to push.  Usually I push the person away, but not always.

If you’re reading this and thinking “that’s me, too!” then feel free to comment.

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Relationship Challenged

It’s a good thing I have a Fake Ex Wife because I’m just plain bad at relationships. On the plus side, here are some good pity songs:

Someday by Nina and Letting Go by Sozzi

I’d leave more here, but it would only make me look even more pathetic.

Somewhere my charming waits for me.